It's a Hard Knock Life For Moms

Let me just start by saying how much I love being a mom. I love the joy and fun of raising a little person. Everything is so new and interesting and I get to figure out parenting with my awesome husband. Most days are great and filled with smiles, laughter, and lots of dancing to music.

Today was not like most days. Today was a bad mom day. I'll preface by saying I work from home 3 days a week. I'm not a stay at home mom (one day, please God), I'm a work at home mom. Now, I understand that some moms dream of even that opportunity, and I'm extremely grateful to get to spend so much time with my son as he grows. But today, I wanted to scream or cry or both almost all day long. Little man is now in the "I'm a toddler, so I must touch everything" phase so there was not much to be done while he was awake, with having to get up and correct him every few minutes. But worst feelings of all feelings was when he pulled himself to stand at my legs to then cry because mommy couldn't play with him right then.

I know I'm overreacting, but it makes me feel better to write about it. Hearing my son cry when I can't really play with him like he (and I) want to because my paycheck depends on it is the most awful thing to hear. I don't like putting my work above my family. I want out, I want to just play with him when I want to. I'm starting to become envious of those moms that just get to be stay at home moms. Those moms that don't have to worry about work deadlines and their families, and I'm sure any of them reading this are rolling their eyes thinking "she has it so good!" I have to keep reminding myself of that, but today was a hard day to think that way. To all you stay at home moms, hold your babies close tonight as I try to hold on to mine. To all you successful work at home moms out there I wonder how you do it and not lose your mind. If you have any pointers, I'd be willing to listen. As for now, a good venting session with my own mom will have to do.

You're an Overcomer

We've all been through battles in our lives, some break us and others only make us stronger (or build stronger walls). These past few weeks have been a real battle for me. I'm gonna lay it out there, this week was probably the first week I didn't cry every single day.

 My dad had open heart surgery and then was in ICU for much longer than expected. Let's just say the fear of losing your dad was a bit overwhelming for me, as I know it was for everyone in my family. My husband and I already have to tell our son about one grandmother that we lost to cancer before he was born, I am no where near ready to have to tell him about his Pawpaw too. Do you read that dad?? You're not going anywhere! It's rabbit food for you, no more 3 meat pizzas.

The overwhelming feeling was only increased when my grandfather passed away the same week that my dad was in ICU. I couldn't help but think "really God? all at the same time?!" Of course, right when I asked God for some relief while I was driving to a Bible study, Mandisa's "Overcomer" came on the radio. I mean literally, the second after I finished my sentence. If you've never heard of it, I insist you give it a listen, it's good for a dance party.

In Exodus 14, the Israelites had just escaped slavery in Egypt but the Pharaoh changed his mind in releasing them so he and his army were catching up to them. The Israelites, being the whiny people that they were (sound like us, right?) asked Moses why he brought them out of slavery to die in the desert and that they would have rather stayed in Egypt. That's right, they had so little faith in Moses, in God, that they would have rather lived in slavery. Doesn't that sound crazy?? But it doesn't, they were scared of the unknown. They were scared of change. While their lives were miserable in Egypt, they knew what their future held there (death and torture, but it was all they knew). Moses' brilliant response to their complaining was "be still, God will fight for you."

He had that battle under control when he parted the sea to let them all cross on dry land. He has my battle and is still healing my dad while he's recovering at home now. He has any future battle I will have, and I'm sure I'll have plenty. God has got whatever battle you're going through, you need only to be still. Trust Him, that's all he requires of you.

We Need More Men Like You

To my wonderful husband,

As I sit here now, you are asleep...on the couch, after yet another attempt to find a new show on Netflix that I may now binge later because I watched an episode you slept through. You work so hard every single day so I won't bother to wake you, trust me you deserve a nap. You work full time at one job, barely part time at another (we compromised to you just teaching once every other week to lighten stress), you volunteer your time in children's ministry at church, you go to school, and then you come home to not only help with our son but be fully involved in his life and mine. Just thinking about that wears me out. It's your daily life, so snooze on babe.

You are such an amazing father and husband, I can't even begin to describe my love for you. But I can attempt to tell you why I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful that you listen to me. Even when I think you've tuned me out, you can repeat back to me what I say word for word. I'll admit, it's annoying sometimes that you can do that but I'm glad you can. I'm grateful that you genuinely care for others. Your desire to help others unconditionally is a true inspiration, even though my selfishness to keep you to myself may have been the root of some of our biggest fights.You are not only my husband, but my partner in life. You are always there when I need a shoulder to lean on, cry on, or someone to laugh with. Because of you, I wake up and go to sleep happier (mostly because we agreed never to go to bed angry, and you always hold my stubborn self to that).

You are such a loving man and I can only imagine what this world would be like if there were more men like you. Men would be more dedicated, loyal, family-oriented, determined, and strong. Sometimes when the world makes me worry too much, you point me back to the ultimate example of a father, our Heavenly Father. I know that it's because of Him, we're together. I always wanted to be in ministry some way or another, but until I met you I never knew how. I have never felt closer to God than I do now. You constantly encourage me to chase after Him, while you do the same. It is so much easier and more joyful serving in ministry with a partner, than it ever was by myself. My most favorite conversations of ours are when we talk about our beliefs and dreams for future. I have so many dreams and you always help me find a way to make them reality.

Thank you for being you. This troubled world could use more men like you.

I love you more,
your adoring wife

Organize This House

I said in my very first post that I wanted to organize my life again. Back in 2014 when my husband and I got married, I had a binder for everything. It was awesome! I knew exactly where everything was and where it was supposed to be. I even had a filing system for paid bills, tax info. and important warranty papers that was kept up with every month and cleaned out at the end of the year.

Since marriage and having a kid, things have been let go for the sake of my energy that I barely had from the beginning.I still have my filing system for my taxes and old bills which is still great, but I file old bills about twice a year. But my biggest blunder, I've lost track of my organization binder. I think that will be the most time consuming project of the year. Just doing that will help my brain feel more normal.

Now on to my house, keeping it organized will help this mom keep her family and her life in order.

1. Bedrooms- I've got to actually put laundry away when it's done. And probably make the bed everyday. This is the current state of my bedroom. My husband was gracious enough to fold the laundry for me but didn't have the time to put it away before he left for work...and then I totally forgot about it once I got home. Excuse me while I put this mess on the floor and save it for tomorrow. It's sad when your one year old's room is cleaner than yours (I cleaned that too though).


2. Kitchen- We bought a fixer upper, 3 years ago. Not that much needed to be done in it but what needed to be done was the kitchen. Once I got pregnant, the renovations stopped. We both got overwhelmed with a newborn and parenthood and the rest is history. Either way, cabinets need to be finished, countertops need to be installed, and things need to be cleaned.

3. Office/Robert's dresser/Dog crate room- give this extra room some definition!!! Even if I have to put a curtain up or move things around, the fact that it's kind of our catch all room sometimes drives us both crazy.

4. Basement- I need to organize our laundry area, clean it up and put away all chemicals (even if Oliver never goes downstairs). I also have to fix our storage area. We bought all of the stuff to build shelves a while back and then ran out of time (nap time was over) so first and probably only step is to build those. I have thankfully been very smart in buying totes when they go on sale so we literally have totes to organize all of our storage. Funny thing though is that most of the totes are Christmas related (and organized by where the decorations go).

Everywhere else I just need to purge and organize. Purging stuff is most important to me considering that one day this family will grow more, and this mom can't handle this overwhelming feeling of stuff again.

Let's Workout

I'm going to be honest, I have days that I absolutely HATE my body. I look at that pooch below my stomach (I know I can't be the only woman who has it) and cringe. It was a lot smaller before I got pregnant, and now it just sits there. Is it possible to tighten that skin? I swear, I think it's just skin.

Anyway, I've decided to make a short term goal right now. I know a girl from college who started before Thanksgiving and did 40 workouts before 2017. She does Advocare and is already pretty fit. She also had a baby in 2016 and looks awesome!

While I can't quite afford to do Advocare right now, I can get into working out. I turn 26 years old on April 5th. I want to do 40 workouts before then. That includes cardio, yoga, anything to help me get fit. So here it goes, 40 before 26. Let's do this!

Ps. 1 down, 39 to go! I found a workout video on Amazon Prime from Lumowell

A New Year, a New Life

I've been reading a bit in Luke this week. Luke 22-24 to be exact. It's all about the time period after Jesus has come to life and his appearances to disciples. At the time he died, it was then a true test of their faith on if they truly believed that he would rise again. Even the closest to him didn't recognize him right away in his new form.

So it makes me think, I claim to know the Lord but do I always recognize his presence?

I can see his wonder just looking at a sunrise at home. The morning clouds have been covered in pink, orange, and yellow for weeks now. Or watching my son thinking how this time last year we had just brought him home and now he's crawling and exploring his whole world.

I think time goes by so fast. But what I don't realize is that our time on the Earth is miniscule compared to eternity. Once the dispicles realized Jesus' new body, they immediately ran to tell others that he was indeed the messiah. He gives new life, not just a new year. My life shouldn't be measured on how many New Years I celebrated, but how many days I cherished my new life from Him.

My Heart Crawling Around

Today is my son's first birthday. Yes, my son was born on 12/26...he was due on the 20th. This past week, I've been flooded with memories of this time last year and the whole year I've been blessed to be called "mama." As the emotions have run away with me a time or two today, I find myself reflecting on how fast this year has gone.

The first month of his life was a nightmare. One of my goals before he was born was to breastfeed at least until he turned 6 months old...we made it a month. His first month was filled with doctor appointments, feedings,crying (from both him and me), and lots of anxiety on what was going wrong. If I could do it again, I would probably live at a lactation specialist's office. We just could not get his weight to stay at an increase the whole month because he couldn't get the sucking technique right, so his 1 month picture makes him look sickly.

 

After giving up breastfeeding and switching him to formula (one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make), he was pretty home free. I had the normal moments of motherhood crazy hormones where he was screaming all day and wouldn't sleep unless he was in my arms which of course made me want to scream myself at times. I'll say it though because I know not every parent has this but he has been sleeping all through the night and been taking naps in his bed since he was 3 months old. All thanks to reading BabyWise and following through for weeks, this boy is a pro sleeper. It made going back to work (a week after he turned 2 months) so much easier knowing that the whole house was getting a full nights sleep again.

The summer was a time for a lot of firsts. First time he got really sick (and got me sick too), first feeling of ocean water and sand, first long roadtrip/family vacation, first tooth, first taste of real food, and first day mommy started working from home. Oliver first got sick when he was 6 months old with HFM, and then of course I got it too. I will say though, he took it a lot better than I did, he was jumping around in his bouncy seat with sores on his toes while I was struggling to walk. He's tougher than his mom, that's for sure.

We also gave him his first taste of oatmeal and mashed bananas while we were on our family vacation at the beach. His first bowl was like I was feeding him chocolate laced with more chocolate. He grabbed the spoon out of my hand because I was feeding him too slow. From then on out, he never went back. My son can eat, and he's not picky about anything. I'm embarrassed to say that he's eaten a cracker from his hand that his dog licked first. What can you do?

Fast forward a few months to Halloween. I was dead set on a family costume since my husband and I have done a couple costume every year we've been together. What's the best three person Halloween? why Toy story, of course! By this time, he had just started crawling and was still the happy boy that he had always been. He also had easily transitioned from eating mashed food to eating off of mom and dad's plate, which was even better and more exciting. To say my son likes to eat is an understatement, he literally kicks/waves his feet/hands and snorts every time he is around food.

And now, I've come to today. The most bittersweet day of the past year. I have a toddler now. How can a year go by so fast?! I have gone from crying to laughing to crying again many times today. I'll go ahead and admit it now that no one will be able to console me when he goes to college or gets married one day.

Oliver is truly such a joy to me every single day from the time he wakes up in the morning to the time we say goodnight. He is such a happy boy all the time, it's impossible not to smile back. I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, even when I was a very little girl; but I never knew how fulfilling being a mom could be. My heart really feels like it's walking (well...crawling) around in the outside world. Celebrating a birthday right after Christmas has been difficult, but hopefully I can keep making moments like this happen for him so he always feels special. Who's up for a ball pit in their living room?!

And now, I've come to today. The most bittersweet day of the past year. I have a toddler now. How can a year go by so fast?! I have gone from crying to laughing to crying again many times today. I'll go ahead and admit it now that no one will be able to console me when he goes to college or gets married one dayOliver is truly such a joy to me every single day from the time he wakes up in the morning to the time we say goodnight. He is such a happy boy all the time, it's impossible not to smile back. I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, even when I was a very little girl; but I never knew how fulfilling being a mom could be. My heart really feels like it's walking (well...crawling) around in the outside world. Celebrating a birthday right after Christmas has been difficult, but hopefully I can keep making moments like this happen for him so he always feels special. Who's up for a ball pit in their living room?